The True Story of Jesus

There once was a couple a VERY long time ago. Their names were Mary and Joseph and they were some pretty cool people.
The "proposal" was so romantic. When Joseph and Mary were barely old enough to talk, their parents sat down together and betrothed Mary to Joseph. So they grew older with the understanding that when they were old enough, they would be married.
But when they were old enough, Mary decided she wanted a Big, Fancy, EXPENSIVE wedding and reception. Seeing as how Joseph's job as a carpenter would require years and years of saving to afford this type of affair, they decided to try something unconventional...
Mary and Joseph decided to rent out Mary's uterus...that's right, Mary became a surrogate mother.
You see Abraham and Sarah down the road (I know there's time conflicts, whatevs) could not have children of their own. They were very sad and very willing to spend the money to be able to have a child of their own. So the four of them walked a few hundred miles to the nearest fertility treatment center and "did the deed."
When they got back to town there was a lot of talk about this situation. Realizing many people did not approve, Mary and Joseph came up with a more probable story about how Mary became pregnant out of wedlock...It was God's son, of course!
With this new story, they were unable to hand over Jesus to Abraham and Sarah and had to give them back all of their money; Mary was pretty upset.
Then on a roadtrip to Mecca one day Mary went into labor and they had to stop at the nearest stable to give birth. Mary fell in love with him instantly and demanded the Biggest, Fanciest, MOST EXPENSIVE babyshower ever. To her dismay only 3 old guys and their nephew who was learning to play the drums showed up.
Down the road, Abraham became so obsessed with having a baby that he slept with Sarah's maid and eventually kicked Sarah out.